chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
