He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this boner is exhausting
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
