Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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