i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize