im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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