I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Your cock deserves a montage
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
