Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
