benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
