His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
