There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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