i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
last night I used snow as a chaser
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