this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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