you mean i was at the winter classic?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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