It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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