Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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