So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
