I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
