Im at strip club and am horny
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
