On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
