it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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