I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
