i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize