I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
