So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
