Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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