none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
