You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
