Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
