It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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