it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
