I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
