So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
