She is in my trunk
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
