i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
