don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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