i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
