he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
