i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I did not marry a roomba.
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