I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
