the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
