Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
