for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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