help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There r osticjed everywhere
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
