so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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