Who wears a wallet chain?!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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