I think I died a long time ago.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
