New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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