are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
