So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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