I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
3 2 1 whiskey
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
