I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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