Whod you bang
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
