dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Boobs speak an international language.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
