You work out of a Hotel?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
