And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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