I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Randomize
