peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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