first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She told me I should be a condom model.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
