I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dignity is for republicans.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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