I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
