erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
