had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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