She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
