11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Mom said you looked used
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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