my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize