Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
