I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
