I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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