I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
