So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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